Last week, the whole eight grade went to a national park called Cat Tien where animals are kept to rehabilitate and then release into the wild. It was a great trip and the only time I can hang out with my friends and my teachers for for days. We went to many interesting places like the extraordinary forests, villages with friendly villagers, peaceful waterfall… But my most favorite memory of Cat Tien was when we walked to Bau Sau, where crocodiles are.
My friends, teachers, and I walked ten kilometers to reach the lake. While we walked, me, Nick, and Mr. Blake stopped and listened to the monkeys, the bees. We saw some really old and fascinating trees with huge leaves and insects with cool textures on them. It wasn’t seemed to be a long walking trip because my friends and I had interesting conversations with Mr. Blake. When we arrived at the lake, there was no crocodile, so everyone was calm. We rested for a little bit and then headed out, we noticed things changed about the leaf direction and the bees were not there anymore. We walked back to our vehicle.
There were many remarkable things in the forest, if you ever go in a forest, try to listen to the sound and enjoy the environment. I hope we will have more trips like this because it is a brilliant opportunity for students, teachers, and staffs to learn and play.
Cool ! Yup, Mr. Blake really explained and taught us lots of new things. I like how you separate each parts; making the readers easy to read through the paragraphs but i'm not sure if that is allowed. Great job, 12/12 :P.
ReplyDeleteFor word choice, I tried to used a lot of synonyms so I don't repeat words. I also keep my words simple so everyone can read it.
ReplyDeleteFor sentence fluency, I had many sentences with many ideas so I need to separate them. I could do better by combining some of them together.
I organize the writing so that it flows details to details. And I wrote clearly so the reader knows where is the heading, the body, and the conclusion.
I checked all my spelling mistakes and all my grammar mistakes. I'm sure my spelling is right, but not with my grammar.
I think my grade would be 8 or 9 over 12
I think you did a really great job on your Beginning Paragraph and the Conclusion, and of course, you organization of is good.. You didn't repeat any word. I think you deserve a 10 or 11 /12
ReplyDeleteIn addition, there are some very small grammar mistakes. Try to read your paragraph aloud (if that helps). There are some runny sentences; by runny I mean wordy sentences that you can separate with a period. And I like how you have an introduction and a conclusion.
ReplyDelete